It has been over a month since I have sat down to write. Things have been happening so fast. I spent my entire life until now wandering. I wandered from this hobby to that job. I tried and succeeded as well as failed at many, many jobs. I blew opportunities and carelessly spent money on things I thought would bring me closer to peace and joy. I wanted peace and joy so severely that I felt like I needed to keep working and doing to find it.
Faith without works is dead.
I thought that if I kept busy, no one would realize how lost I was and how deeply sad my heart felt. I did not want to be still. I knew that once I sat in the silence of my soul, there would be pain. The deep pain that I drank away for twenty years.
If I stayed busy, I would not have to face myself and make changes. I could continue in my false sense of serenity, smiling and achieving what others achieve while not drunk. I was so good at hiding from myself.
Then Yoga found me.
Yoga means union. Once I started a regular yoga practice, and I mean more than just the asana (movement), all the eight limbs. These limbs, along with my program of recovery, gave me a sense of genuine support and serenity.
I feel held and safe, and that allows me to go deeper. Deeper into the corners of my soul and clear out the mess.
Faith without works is dead.
The work is not what I thought. I cannot task or educate my way to peace and freedom. These gifts come from having a daily spiritual practice. Movement and meditation are ways in which I can “work” to display my faith. I can give myself the gift of sitting in silence and healing the scared teenager that lies within. Through faith, I can lean into fear with a knowing that “All is well.”
I cried in Yoga today.
It has been over a month since I sat to write and practice yoga asana. There is a direct correlation for me between my practice and my self-study. When I do not come to my mat, I do not connect. There is no union. I am scattered, spread too thin, and lacking purpose and direction.
I missed myself—my True self. The self I am getting to know more each day is so beautiful and loving that it makes my chest ache from the amount of grace I feel. This love and grace starts in my heart, radiates from my chest to my entire soul, then through tears of immeasurable gratitude.
It is this feeling that I wish for you. This feeling of self-love and peace that you cry freely, releasing yourself from any guilt, shame, or judgment. Because what is there to judge? Arent we all searching for the same thing?
Take good care, beautiful friend.
I wish you peace, freedom, and union.
I look forward to the next time we are together. Until then, be kind to each other.
With so much love,
Christy-Lee B.
Heal Me, LLC.
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It's me Christy-Lee D. 